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A Letter to the Girls Who Didn't Win

Updated: Jun 17

Most of the women who have worn the crown will tell you that there are far more instances that we have "lost" than we have "won".

If you know my story, you know that I competed 7 years in a row to ultimately become Miss Kansas, shot my shot at Miss America, and then I put my hat in the ring one last time at Miss Kansas USA, and guess what? I didn't win.

A majority of the women who walk across a state or national stage will never actually win the title she was seeking.

Let that sink in...

Every single woman who has the courage to put herself in the competition knows that stepping foot in that arena means she is opening herself up to the possibility of becoming Miss Whoever, but also the possibility of walking away without having achieved that dream.

If you are one of the women who didn't quite hit that mark this year, this is for you.

I want to start by saying how proud I am of you, just in case you haven't heard it yet, or heard it enough. I may not know you personally, but I do know the amount of hard work and dedication it takes to get through the pageant season and to come out on the other side with your head held up high. You did it, sis. You made it.

Second, you are fully allowed to feel sad. You're allowed to be bummed, angry, hurt, confused - all of it. You can be respectful of the young woman who won the crown, while also sitting in your valid and complex emotions. There can be a lot of pressure to bounce back, or post on social media, or put on a face to your friends and family. And in a similar vein, it can be really easy to settle into nasty gossip and vicious comments about whoever won. Her success does not mean your failure. You can both deserve the crown, and both have worked hard, and both have scored well... but unfortunately, you cannot both have the crown.

But back to YOU. Feel the feels. Eat the comfort food. Vent to the close inner-circle people who know that it's just that - venting. Set boundaries and expectations within your circles of when you want to discuss the competition and how it went, or how you need to be supported during this time. And also set a deadline for yourself. My state competition was always the first week in June. So I would let myself be an emotional slug until July 15th, at which point, I had to confront my feelings and chat with my coach and decide if I was going to get back on the horse and give it another shot.

Last, if you come to your self-set deadline and it's time to decide if you're coming back to compete again, and you still have more years in the age bracket to chase this goal - reach out to me. I'd love to work with you and see how I can help you along your journey and support you towards your goals.

If this was your last year and you're grappling with that uncertainty of what's next, or the uneasy feeling of not really having closure, also reach out to me. I'm serious. I've been there and I've had enough time to process those emotions to now be a sounding board of support, guidance, and direction to help you navigate the next chapter of your incredible life.

TLDR: You are an amazing human who deserves the world. No judge can take that away from you. And no matter what you are feeling as you come out of this competition season, I want to support you through it. Send me DM on Instagram and let's connect.

Your next chapter is yours to write, and yours to decide when to even turn the next page. But if you need a proofreader or an editor along the way, I'm your girl 😘


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